I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
