My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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