Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize