just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
