he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
