you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
