I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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