Moan for me like Helen Keller
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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