you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
