I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
