they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize