Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
