oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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