Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
