the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The adults are the big ones right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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