So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
