When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
