I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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