shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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