I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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