he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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