Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
