I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
