I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
