Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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