I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
