i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
