you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
