look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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