Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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