Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
