I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
