Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
