WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
