so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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