Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
