He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
