don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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