dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
