does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
