the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
