my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
