just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
