Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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