Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
