i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
