I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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