I hate your face
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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