I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
