ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
