I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
