"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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