hotel room ftw
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
