i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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