Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think my fart just growled at me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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