At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
