I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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