So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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