And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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