Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
