i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
