Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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