Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
