Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
