Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
