God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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