end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
