Apparently you make a good broom.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
