Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
