I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
