I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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