I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
