I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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