Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
