My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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